A New Tradition

We have a new tradition for Hallowe’en, begun this year: “All Hallow's Read.”

I love traditions; I am a huge fan them. I grew up with many traditions and I believe it is vital for the kids to grow up and look back fondly, and with amusement, and even with bemusement, at the things that were meaningful, fun, silly, happy, anticipated and even dreaded (in a nostalgic 'I can't believe Mama made Fruit Cake every year!' kind of way), as we mark the passing of the days, seasons and years in their life journeys. Many of our family's traditions have been adopted, adapted and handed-down from the traditions that Amazing Husband and I grew up enjoying in our childhoods, and many are new, and were evolved or created along with our growing family over the past many years.

If the truth were to be told, Amazing Husband is possibly less fond of the traditions than I am, mainly because I am, perhaps, a wee bit tradition-centric when it comes to holidays, and that can be a lot of work. Nevertheless, he hangs in there and enjoys the existing traditions as we circumnavigate the calendar each year. Despite enjoying the already existing traditions, however, he tends to be a bit...skeptical, when I talk about adding new traditions. We both know it is because of the amount of work involved, and in all honesty, his main concern has always been that we not add traditions unless we are reasonably sure we will be able to maintain them in the future, because consistency in the kids' lives is as important to him as it is to me, and he hates to disappoint them.

So, for example, when I was inspired to add a St. Patrick's Day Treasure Hunt tradition--based on an imaginative and whimsical tradition I read about on my friend Fawndear's blog [...FawnDear...: Magic by Moonlight ]--to the long list of regular days, holidays, achievements, accomplishments and events we mark each year as they go by, he basically put the kibosh on it. Realistically, as Amazing Husband pointed out during our discussion about my desire to add a St. Patrick's Day Treasure Hunt to our laundry list of annual traditions, we have no less than twenty-three birthdays and anniversaries between March and April alone, and when you calculate in Dr. Seuss’s B-day/Read across America Day, St. Patrick's Day (we do already have a few existing traditions), and Easter, the mere suggestion of adding anything else is kind of ludicrous. Particularly when said 'something' is as involved as an individualized Leprechaun’s-Pot-of-Gold treasure hunt for each kid. Consequently, Amazing Husband and Common Sense won that debate, and I regulated my daydreams of St. Patrick's Day Treasure Hunts to the 'Things I Can Do For My Grandkids Because I Will Have A Lot More Time By Then' queue.

When I discovered the suggestion of the All Hallow's read tradition, however, I knew we would both be on the same page about adding it to our family's tradition repertoire!

Here is how it happened:

I am an avid reader of author Neil Gaiman's blog, and just about a week before Hallowe’en he wrote a post observing that there aren't enough book-giving holidays, and suggested the idea of an "All Hallow's Read" tradition to remedy the situation. [The original blog post is here: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2010/10/modest-proposal-that-doesnt-actually.html ]

I loved the idea, and when I presented it to Amazing Husband he was on board with it right away. (Although he did say he would have preferred a bit of notice, as I kind of sprung it on him on the day of Hallowe'en!). Next year we will be preparing for it over the weeks in advance of the holiday, and really shop around for the best deals at the local used bookstores and such, but for this year we just popped over to the Big Name Bookstore nearby, and gleefully bought spooky books all around!

Ender has been very into the classics lately, so we bought him Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

Monkey Boy was a bit tricky, as his tastes don't generally run to the spooky, but we ultimately decided on Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book for him, as we thought he might enjoy it, and, of course, we had to include at least one book by the author who inspired the new tradition!

Za Boo was even harder to shop for than Monkey Boy, as generally even the mention of anything spooky sends her running, but we settled on The Sisters Grimm by Michael Buckley, as it appears to focus more on the mystery/detective aspect of the genre, than the scary stuff. I've had my eye on that one for her for awhile, and this was a great opportunity to include it in a way that wouldn't feel overwhelming; time will tell if she can handle its degree of scary.

The Raven could have been the hardest to buy for, because she thoroughly enjoys the scary and there are so many choices that it might have been hard to narrow it down, but she had recently finished Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice, so the logical choice for her was The Vampire Lestat, which is what we bought.

Amazing Husband had been wanting to re-read Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury, and we did not have a copy in the house, so he got that, and I chose Coraline, by, again, Neil Gaiman, because I have been interested in reading it ever since seeing the movie.

We bought another Neil Gaiman book, American Gods, for my best friend. We are both avid readers, and have always shared books with each other, so it was a no-brainer to include her in the new holiday tradition!

We didn't buy anything at the bookstore for MiL, as she has basically given up printed books since the acquisition of her Kindle, but we did tell her to choose a scary book on the Kindle, and we would gift it to her.

The kids were delighted by the new books and the new tradition when we presented them with both just before Trick-o-Treat was about to commence on Hallowe'en evening. Everyone has been happily reading all week, and the only problem now, is having to wait a whole year until we can celebrate All Hallow’s Read again! ;)


http://journal.neilgaiman.com
http://fawndear.blogspot.com
http://www.allhallowsread.com

Pondering the emotional needs of toddlers and teenagers...

I am finding that parenting The Raven now is in many ways very much like parenting the boys when they were small. She needs so much that they no longer need, and that Za Boo needed for longer, but no longer needs at the age she is now. I am as tired, cranky and exhausted some days as I was when I had two boys under three and was emotionally responsible for three people, rather than just myself.

I guess that's the thing that many people don't understand; it's hard to do this not because she is a teenager now, but because she is a toddler now, and a teenager at the same time.

I have a friend who is having a hard time adjusting to the changes in our family; she is, in a word, jealous. I didn't recognize it right away, and couldn't articulate it well after I realized it initially, but she is, basically, jealous of the time parenting The Raven takes away from time she and I had been spending together, before The Raven became a part of our family. We were both at the place where certain aspects of parenting were becoming less hands on, the kids were working on being more independent, and our ability to be "grown-ups" more often had expanded. With the addition of Raven to our family that has definitely changed.

I remember being loathe to leave the boys, and later Za Boo, when they were fairly small, and still very dependent. They just needed ME to be around, at home, available, because they MIGHT need me. I remember the first time I went to Jury Duty, when Za Boo was old enough to have stopped nursing (I had requested, and received, a postponement a number of times, because I always seemed to be called right after having one of the kids!), and the kids were beside themselves with concern about how things would work without me. Not that they didn't trust their Papa to handle things, but there were certain things that I did, and they could not comprehend how the Papa would figure them out: "Will Papa know where the lunch is?" asked Za Boo, "Will he know how I eat my sandwich?" "Will he know how to pick us up from school?" Monkey Boy needed to know, "Did you tell Papa what time school is out? Will he forget to come get Monkey Boy and me, because he is used to being at work all day?" Ender worried.
They just needed ME, because I was the one who was always there, I was the one who KNEW all the things they needed to be sure were known. They were dependent on me for their emotional grounding, and, despite having now grown to a place where they are very capable of being responsible for their own emotional grounding, they will often still need that from me. However, it is no longer a constant need, and it is no longer an absolute hindrance, or something that may cause a state near panic, when I am not immediately available for such; in fact, I have seen the Boys, being the older of the three I have raised since birth, make a choice to find their emotional grounding inside themselves at times, because they have matured to that degree.
Which is a place where The Raven will, now that she has the opportunity, eventually be able to grow to as well, but is not, at this point, ready to do. Or even, really, capable of doing. No one ever did it for her when she needed it before now; there was no emotional ground that was safe, secure, and unconditionally available to her. She is working through a phase now that a large number of children go through in toddlerhood--discovering that there is an unconditional safety net, testing the net, and then trying their wings out OVER said net, in order to experiment safely. And, then, eventually, venturing out past the net, but always knowing that it is there, to return to, if you need it.
Right now she is like a toddler, needing that constant reassuring presence of an emotionally grounded safety net, and not being ready, willing, or able, to begin venturing out over it quite yet.

The Train Trip - Day 6

Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Well, we had our first rough day today. We had planned to get up and swim for awhile, and then go back to Golden Gate Park to hit the Japanese Tea Garden & Shakespeare's Garden, which we missed yesterday because the museum was so utterly engaging, and be back by five to meet Uncle Buddy for dinner. But we overslept, again, and got to the pool about an hour and a half after we had been planning to be there. Raven stayed in the room and slept, and by the time we got back to the room and then back out the door to head for the park, we were running nearly three hours behind the plan. We made it to the park by three, but we got off at the wrong stop--about 4 stops early--and had to walk through the park to get to the Gardens we were planning to visit, which wouldn't have been sooo bad, except that it was particularly cold today, we were wearing shorts, and everybody had low blood-sugar because we got up so late that we skipped breakfast in order to try and get to the Park earlier.
We saw the Conservatory of Flowers on the way, and I was able to take a few pictures with Za Boo's camera, but unfortunately, we were too cold to really appreciate it. They were advertising the carnivorous plant exhibit there as well, but we had neither the time nor the money to visit it, unfortunately.
We had what would otherwise have been a nice stroll through the park, though, on our way to find the Gardens of our focus.
When we came to the Japanese Tea Garden it was adjacent to the park amphitheater, and we settled for a picture of the kids on the amphitheater stage, although we would have enjoyed the chance to see a performance there.
Just outside the Japanese Tea Garden was a Waffle stand, and we were hungry, but were waiting to eat at the restaurant inside the Tea Garden.
Well, at this point the boys were cold, the girls and I were freezing, all of us were hungry, and cranky because of it, and I had sprained my toe when we were getting off the bus, so when it turned out that the Japanese Tea Garden now charges for admission (either it didn't when I went there years ago, or no one told me we had had to pay to get in), we almost didn't go in.
However, I have had my heart set on sharing the Japanese Tea Garden with the kids since the beginning of the PLANNING of the trip, so I made a quick decision, ponied up the funds, and in we did ultimately go!
And, in the end, everyone had a good time!
We had hot cocoa and fortune cookies in the Tea House (they were out of nearly EVERYTHING we wanted to order to actually eat), and cheered when we heard (via text from Amazing Husband) that Prop 8 was overturned today!
We had waffles from the Waffle Cart on the way out of the Tea Garden, and they were delicious! We caught the bus back to the hotel (and it didn't break down this time!) and arrived with enough time to get warmed up and changed for dinner by the time Uncle Buddy arrived.
We headed out to find 'The Stinking Rose" (They season their garlic with food!), and had the opportunity to explore Little Italy, and, inadvertently, the red light district on the way. We had an amazing and delectable dinner--Ender, Monkey Boy & Za Boo ate 'Vampire Fare' (minimal garlic), while Uncle Buddy, Raven and I all indulged in the full menu of the pungent house specialty. It was delicious!
We went to a chocolate, gelato and candy specialty shop across the way for a fitting dessert (Courtesy of Uncle Buddy).
We had taken the bus to little Italy (well, actually we had taken the bus to the end of Chinatown, and walked into Little Italy from there, which is how we ended up on our inadvertent tour of the red light district), and we walked back to the hotel through the dark and quiet business buildings, which was an adventure all in itself. Za Boo LOVED being in the business area of town! Uncle Buddy lived in the city for a number of years, so he had all kinds of information and trivia that we enjoyed hearing.
We visited for a bit back at the hotel, and The Papa was able to talk to Uncle Buddy on the phone and catch up.
We are headed to bed now, because we have to be up early to check out, and we are off to Vallejo via the Ferry tomorrow! Happy dreaming!

The Train Trip - Day 4

So, we SERIOUSLY overslept today-- 1PM in the afternoon overslept!--and we got up and around rather slow, so we didn't get going until nearly three! But, we were planning on Chinatown for the day, and luckily it was just a few (relatively) short blocks away, so we were able to spend enough time there to enjoy our visit, have enough time to stop off for dinner, and have a swim back at the hotel before an (un)reasonable bedtime (unreasonable as in 1AM unreasonable!). Well, perhaps not unreasonable on a vacation, but definitely unreasonable when we are planning an early morning the next day!
We had lunch at a combination of a street-side hot dog vendor (hot dog for Za Boo, soft pretzel for Monkey Boy) and a lunch stand at the Station-The Cable Car Cafe- which was made out of a cable car-(really good sandwiches for Ender, Raven and I). After lunch we walked to Chinatown, where we bought a large number of Xmas gifts and a few souvenirs. We had dinner at a fun 50's diner called Lori's, which we has noticed the day before. Decent burger, good fries, great shakes, neat decor, retro-atmosphere, all good. We were able to get a couple of 49ers gifts for Trina and Ben--actually from SF!--and a little Steelers something for The Papa, at a tiny little sports shop we caught on the way back.
Raven stayed in the room and took a hot bath, and the rest of us went for a bit of a swim. We all headed back to the room, where Raven had just finished her bath, and settled in to bed and watched a movie. And now, g'night!