Za Boo and Harry Potter

Za Boo has been rather taken with Harry Potter these last few days. We watched the second movie (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets) about a week ago and because she was so tiny when it came out and we all saw it in the theater, it was like a new movie to her. She proceeded to watch the first movie (Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone) at the next opportunity, and subsequently asked whether she was old enough to read the books herself.
She is of course, at this age and reading ability, so she checked out the first one from the school library (our copy is a hardbound, and of one of the first print runs, so she didn't feel comfortable reading that copy).
She has been reading it avidly ever since, and at every opportunity.
She has taken the various cloaks, wands, scarves, ties, and other Harry Potter costumes and their accompanying accessories out of the costume bins in the closet, is dressing up in them, and settling down to read. I had to take a picture of her, dressed in her Ravenclaw necktie and Hogwart's robes, while she was immersed in reading her book, it was so adorable!
I love everything about this new phase of hers. I love that we have finally seen a book truly light that fire under her! It had happened with each of the boys: a particular book--and there was never any way to predict which one it would be--would light that fire that, when kindled, ignited into a life-long love of, and passion for, reading, and I have been waiting for it to happen with her!
And I simply cannot overstate how absolutely thrilled I am that it has happened at last with Za Boo!

Location, Location, Lo...Mascot?

Za Boo was musing on the subject of high school mascots earlier this evening, due largely to the fact that Monkey Boy will be starting high school next year and he and I had been discussing, at length, his high school options. He has basically decided on the independent study high school, where he can take high school and junior college classes concurrently, and earn dual credit, but was wistfully noting that the mascot for the local tech high school is a dragon, and, although the mascot is largely irrelevant to him, he would enjoy having a dragon as a mascot, in the event that he was to have a mascot at all.
Za Boo had been amusing herself quietly with a game of solitary Uno during the discussion and, as always, taking in every word. When she realized that Monkey Boy and I's discussion was winding down, she jumped in: "I must start thinking about what high school I will go to," she said, "I will have to decide very near in the future what mascot I will have when I go to high school myself."
Monkey Boy and I both turned and looked at her, startled a bit by her apparently abrupt entrance into the conversation (why, I don't know, though, because we all know she is always listening and quietly processing these things).
"What do you mean, you have to decide what mascot you will have in high school?" I asked, ridiculously oblivious to the fact that the mascot would be a factor in choosing a high school when you are a 9 year old girl.
"Well," she pontificated, "I can be a Cougar, like Ender and The Raven, or an Eagle, like Monkey Boy will probably be, or I can go to the tech high school and be a Dragon, or I might want to be a Bulldog."

It is vital to note, at this point, that a bulldog is the mascot of the cross-town high school; the arch rival high school to the older two kids' high school, and my own Alma-mater.

Always the paragon of calm and rational parenting, I immediately responded "You will not be a Bulldog!!! To do that you have to attend The Bulldog High School! Why would you even say such a thing?!?! You ARE NOT going to The Bulldog High School!"
"Well, Mama," she responded, "I DO like bulldogs better than cougars, because cougars are a type of cat, and bulldogs are dogs. You know how I feel about dogs, Mama."
"Well, be that as it may, you are NOT going to go to The Bulldog High School!!!" I calmly and rationally responded.
"But why, Mama? What's wrong with The Bulldog High School?" Za Boo asked earnestly.
"Well, because, the Cougar High School is better, and it's where your siblings go, and it's better, and, um, well..." and as I was so eloquently summarizing the finer points of why The Cougar High School is the superior learning institution, based, of course, on reasonable and objective criteria, Ender walked in on the discussion.
"What's going on?" he asked, sensing a debate was in progress.
"Za Boo is talking about what high school she wants to go to, based on the mascot," Monkey Boy informed his brother.
Ender looked right at Za Boo, and in an unarguable voice said to her "You do not choose a high school based on its mascot. You chose it based on the quality, where it is located, and, maybe, the people who are going to go there as well." And he walked out of the room.

It was a watershed moment for me; one of those rare moments when you unexpectedly witness all the work you have done in an attempt to teach your child the things he needs to know in order to make good decisions in the world manifesting itself in a simple and profound statement.

We may have a-ways to go yet in helping Za Boo learn these things, but, knowing we have done well by Ender, I feel a whole lot better about our ability to make it happen.

A New Tradition

We have a new tradition for Hallowe’en, begun this year: “All Hallow's Read.”

I love traditions; I am a huge fan them. I grew up with many traditions and I believe it is vital for the kids to grow up and look back fondly, and with amusement, and even with bemusement, at the things that were meaningful, fun, silly, happy, anticipated and even dreaded (in a nostalgic 'I can't believe Mama made Fruit Cake every year!' kind of way), as we mark the passing of the days, seasons and years in their life journeys. Many of our family's traditions have been adopted, adapted and handed-down from the traditions that Amazing Husband and I grew up enjoying in our childhoods, and many are new, and were evolved or created along with our growing family over the past many years.

If the truth were to be told, Amazing Husband is possibly less fond of the traditions than I am, mainly because I am, perhaps, a wee bit tradition-centric when it comes to holidays, and that can be a lot of work. Nevertheless, he hangs in there and enjoys the existing traditions as we circumnavigate the calendar each year. Despite enjoying the already existing traditions, however, he tends to be a bit...skeptical, when I talk about adding new traditions. We both know it is because of the amount of work involved, and in all honesty, his main concern has always been that we not add traditions unless we are reasonably sure we will be able to maintain them in the future, because consistency in the kids' lives is as important to him as it is to me, and he hates to disappoint them.

So, for example, when I was inspired to add a St. Patrick's Day Treasure Hunt tradition--based on an imaginative and whimsical tradition I read about on my friend Fawndear's blog [...FawnDear...: Magic by Moonlight ]--to the long list of regular days, holidays, achievements, accomplishments and events we mark each year as they go by, he basically put the kibosh on it. Realistically, as Amazing Husband pointed out during our discussion about my desire to add a St. Patrick's Day Treasure Hunt to our laundry list of annual traditions, we have no less than twenty-three birthdays and anniversaries between March and April alone, and when you calculate in Dr. Seuss’s B-day/Read across America Day, St. Patrick's Day (we do already have a few existing traditions), and Easter, the mere suggestion of adding anything else is kind of ludicrous. Particularly when said 'something' is as involved as an individualized Leprechaun’s-Pot-of-Gold treasure hunt for each kid. Consequently, Amazing Husband and Common Sense won that debate, and I regulated my daydreams of St. Patrick's Day Treasure Hunts to the 'Things I Can Do For My Grandkids Because I Will Have A Lot More Time By Then' queue.

When I discovered the suggestion of the All Hallow's read tradition, however, I knew we would both be on the same page about adding it to our family's tradition repertoire!

Here is how it happened:

I am an avid reader of author Neil Gaiman's blog, and just about a week before Hallowe’en he wrote a post observing that there aren't enough book-giving holidays, and suggested the idea of an "All Hallow's Read" tradition to remedy the situation. [The original blog post is here: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2010/10/modest-proposal-that-doesnt-actually.html ]

I loved the idea, and when I presented it to Amazing Husband he was on board with it right away. (Although he did say he would have preferred a bit of notice, as I kind of sprung it on him on the day of Hallowe'en!). Next year we will be preparing for it over the weeks in advance of the holiday, and really shop around for the best deals at the local used bookstores and such, but for this year we just popped over to the Big Name Bookstore nearby, and gleefully bought spooky books all around!

Ender has been very into the classics lately, so we bought him Mary Shelly's Frankenstein.

Monkey Boy was a bit tricky, as his tastes don't generally run to the spooky, but we ultimately decided on Neil Gaiman's The Graveyard Book for him, as we thought he might enjoy it, and, of course, we had to include at least one book by the author who inspired the new tradition!

Za Boo was even harder to shop for than Monkey Boy, as generally even the mention of anything spooky sends her running, but we settled on The Sisters Grimm by Michael Buckley, as it appears to focus more on the mystery/detective aspect of the genre, than the scary stuff. I've had my eye on that one for her for awhile, and this was a great opportunity to include it in a way that wouldn't feel overwhelming; time will tell if she can handle its degree of scary.

The Raven could have been the hardest to buy for, because she thoroughly enjoys the scary and there are so many choices that it might have been hard to narrow it down, but she had recently finished Interview with the Vampire by Anne Rice, so the logical choice for her was The Vampire Lestat, which is what we bought.

Amazing Husband had been wanting to re-read Something Wicked This Way Comes, by Ray Bradbury, and we did not have a copy in the house, so he got that, and I chose Coraline, by, again, Neil Gaiman, because I have been interested in reading it ever since seeing the movie.

We bought another Neil Gaiman book, American Gods, for my best friend. We are both avid readers, and have always shared books with each other, so it was a no-brainer to include her in the new holiday tradition!

We didn't buy anything at the bookstore for MiL, as she has basically given up printed books since the acquisition of her Kindle, but we did tell her to choose a scary book on the Kindle, and we would gift it to her.

The kids were delighted by the new books and the new tradition when we presented them with both just before Trick-o-Treat was about to commence on Hallowe'en evening. Everyone has been happily reading all week, and the only problem now, is having to wait a whole year until we can celebrate All Hallow’s Read again! ;)


http://journal.neilgaiman.com
http://fawndear.blogspot.com
http://www.allhallowsread.com

So, inspired (as always) by my friend Fawndear and her current de-cluttering/purging/organizing adventure, AND sick to the teeth of a mess that currently consumes a particular room in our home, making it largely unusable, AND realizing that in order to feel less crowded in the house we need to GET RID OF UNNECESSARY STUFF, I have decided the time has come for me to clean out, purge and organize the home office once and for all. Although I have always been a rather organized person (and a neat-nick!), I have never been able to keep the creative space in our home organized. Everywhere else in the house could look like a room out of a magazine (although, despite my intentions, it rarely did for more than a day at a time), but walking into the creative space in the house was like walking into another house entirely. Realistically, though, it's not even accurate to say "walking" into the room was like walking into another house, because it, at any given point in its history, has been more of a climb, scramble, hop, jump, or even just a look, into another house, after which you walk away, because you cannot stand to be there.
And that is a huge part of the problem, of course, because I cannot stand to be in it, because it is such a devastatingly overwhelming mess, and, therefore, never actually clean/purge/organize it, it just gets worse, and worse, and worse, ad infinitum.

I started tonight.

Amazing Husband and the Boys had 'the gang' over for D&D, the girls were variously occupied with watching movies and whatever, MIL went out with a friend, and I tackled The Room Formerly Known As The Office. I had lately christened it The Room Of Shame, but, after tonight, it will, hopefully, become The Organized And Inspiring All Purpose Creativity Room in the near, near future.

I have had an extraordinarily significant epiphany through reading about Fawndear's journey: I am a Hoarder.

Whew, it took a lot out of me to write that "out loud."

I would never have categorized myself as a hoarder, I don't fit the archetype. I have always been organized; a place for everything, and everything in its place. I have helped friends with organizing, and been offered a job as a professional organizer on many occasions. However, the fact remains, I Am A Hoarder.

How do I know? Well, the signs are all there, once you know what to look for: nearly everything that is in the way in The Room Of Shame is mine. Not the kids, not Amazing Husband's, not MIL's, MINE. AND, I have a very valid, reasonable and convincing argument for every tiny bit of it. And nearly all of those arguments come down to one of three basic points: one: I MIGHT need it someday, I HAVE A PLAN to use/make/work on it some day, or I am EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED to it.

So.

I have started my adventure. I believe my journey will be more challenging than I want to believe, and I do anticipate that the road will be long and hard. But I am determined, and I will NOT give up.

I am, as Amazing Husband is fond of saying, going to eat the elephant one bite at a time, this time. I have always tried to stuff the whole darn elephant in at once in the past, and I am sure that has not helped.

I am going to celebrate the steps along the way this time, as well. I have a tendency to look at all that I did NOT get done, rather than recognizing the progress I make along the way--and, sadly, that is true in all aspects of my life--so I am going to take yet another inspiration from Fawndear's blog, and stop to revel in joy of accomplishment as I go!

And, to that end, I have pictures of my (tiny but significant) accomplishments of the night.

I was able to let go of this 17-year-old box:



Which has housed my scrapbook items from high school and college drama since shortly after Amazing Husband and I received a lovely engagement gift in it, 17 years ago. I could not part with those items. I haven't come that far, and, to be fair, a genuine goal of the future Organized And Inspiring All Purpose Room IS to be able to create things like a scrapbook of all the drama productions I was involved in, in high school and college, and having never achieved a space in which to work on such projects, I do not feel that I can, in good conscience, let go of that project, until I have actually had a space in which to attempt it. If it sits in a space in which I could perfectly well work on it, and don't, for the next 17 years, well, then, clearly it wasn't that important to me after all.

I have relocated those keepsakes to a large and sturdy Victoria's Secret Bag, and I believe they fit quite well in it. They are readily organized, handy, and easily accessible now.



It's a tiny bit of progress, but, off I go!

Pondering the emotional needs of toddlers and teenagers...

I am finding that parenting The Raven now is in many ways very much like parenting the boys when they were small. She needs so much that they no longer need, and that Za Boo needed for longer, but no longer needs at the age she is now. I am as tired, cranky and exhausted some days as I was when I had two boys under three and was emotionally responsible for three people, rather than just myself.

I guess that's the thing that many people don't understand; it's hard to do this not because she is a teenager now, but because she is a toddler now, and a teenager at the same time.

I have a friend who is having a hard time adjusting to the changes in our family; she is, in a word, jealous. I didn't recognize it right away, and couldn't articulate it well after I realized it initially, but she is, basically, jealous of the time parenting The Raven takes away from time she and I had been spending together, before The Raven became a part of our family. We were both at the place where certain aspects of parenting were becoming less hands on, the kids were working on being more independent, and our ability to be "grown-ups" more often had expanded. With the addition of Raven to our family that has definitely changed.

I remember being loathe to leave the boys, and later Za Boo, when they were fairly small, and still very dependent. They just needed ME to be around, at home, available, because they MIGHT need me. I remember the first time I went to Jury Duty, when Za Boo was old enough to have stopped nursing (I had requested, and received, a postponement a number of times, because I always seemed to be called right after having one of the kids!), and the kids were beside themselves with concern about how things would work without me. Not that they didn't trust their Papa to handle things, but there were certain things that I did, and they could not comprehend how the Papa would figure them out: "Will Papa know where the lunch is?" asked Za Boo, "Will he know how I eat my sandwich?" "Will he know how to pick us up from school?" Monkey Boy needed to know, "Did you tell Papa what time school is out? Will he forget to come get Monkey Boy and me, because he is used to being at work all day?" Ender worried.
They just needed ME, because I was the one who was always there, I was the one who KNEW all the things they needed to be sure were known. They were dependent on me for their emotional grounding, and, despite having now grown to a place where they are very capable of being responsible for their own emotional grounding, they will often still need that from me. However, it is no longer a constant need, and it is no longer an absolute hindrance, or something that may cause a state near panic, when I am not immediately available for such; in fact, I have seen the Boys, being the older of the three I have raised since birth, make a choice to find their emotional grounding inside themselves at times, because they have matured to that degree.
Which is a place where The Raven will, now that she has the opportunity, eventually be able to grow to as well, but is not, at this point, ready to do. Or even, really, capable of doing. No one ever did it for her when she needed it before now; there was no emotional ground that was safe, secure, and unconditionally available to her. She is working through a phase now that a large number of children go through in toddlerhood--discovering that there is an unconditional safety net, testing the net, and then trying their wings out OVER said net, in order to experiment safely. And, then, eventually, venturing out past the net, but always knowing that it is there, to return to, if you need it.
Right now she is like a toddler, needing that constant reassuring presence of an emotionally grounded safety net, and not being ready, willing, or able, to begin venturing out over it quite yet.